Sliver of Happiness
by ladyashethealchemist
Summary: Alistair's voice was quiet, gentle. It was clear to Nessa that he had been thinking about what to say, a sentiment she appreciated even if it was not exactly what she wanted to hear in the moment.- In which Alistair and Nessa Cousland share a moment at camp after saving Connor in Redcliffe.


"She was willing to die, you know."

Alistair's voice was quiet from where he sat by the fire, woken by the same dreams that had startled Nessa Cousland awake and out of her tent. The camp was silent save for the soft crackle of flames and the light breathing of the others as they rested. Her dog twitched, whining but not waking.

"Hmmm?" Nessa mused, too tired to draw on what he was saying. The day had exhausted her more than she would admit. They had saved mages only a few days ago and had not given themselves a moment to really rest before pushing to Redcliffe to save Connor. On top of that, the emotional strain of the past few days was eating away at her, pressing heavy on her heart.

"Isolde. She was willing to die to so that our trip to the circle wouldn't take time that could get more innocent lives taken."

Nessa sighed, realizing where this was going. "You're wondering why I didn't let her make that sacrifice, aren't you?"

"It's just," Alistair started. "It's know I haven't know you for that long, and I know you're very charitable and kind and beautiful, but when it comes to one life versus a possible few, you tend to chose one with what seems like little thought. Not that I'm not thankful you saved her- I told you as much earlier."

"This was... different." Nessa cut off, feeling tears that she had refused to shed threaten to trickled down her face.

She could see it so clearly still, the pool of blood in the cellar of her home, hear the labored breathing of her father as he bled out, her mother's strong voice wavering. Her mother chose to stay, chose to fight off those who would pursue her and Duncan in hopes of saving her life. She stayed behind out of love not just for husband, but daughter as well, and Nessa had barely been able to mourn them, to let the emotions felt at that loss be expressed, before she was suddenly forced into this role of saving Ferelden.

"How so? She was a lot more willing than some of the ones we've had to kill to save other... Maker's breath, are you crying?"

Nessa reached a hand to her cheek, tracing her fingers along the paths of the tears. Overcome with emotion, her body began to tremble, and her sobs grew in intensity, silent still so as to not alarm her companions lest others wake from concern.

Alistair stood and made his way to her side, kneeling next to her. "I didn't mean to make you cry... Did you hear the part where I said you were beautiful?"

Nessa chuckled slightly through the tears, a awkward laugh that felt forced but was appreciated none the less. "I knew you said that to suck up to me."

"Did it work?" Alistair asked, hoping to help deflect more of her thoughts away from whatever had made her cry.

"Maybe." She gave him a weak grin, wiping at the tears that still flowed.

"Nessa, if you want to talk..." Alistair placed a hand on her shoulder.

Taking a deep breath, Nessa let herself rest her cheek on his hand. Her comfort around him was greater than it was with any of her other companions, and if anyone were to see her cry she was glad it was him. "It... I cannot see another mother sacrifice herself for her child if I can help it. I was... I was so powerless to stop my own mother that I refuse to allow another child to feel the guilt that I feel at her death."

"I... I am so sorry. I didn't even consider..."

"I know you meant no harm by it. If I was an outsider looking in, I know it would have gone against my normal patterns. I would have likely questioned myself."

"Still," Alistair paused, thinking of what to say, "that doesn't mean I wasn't an inconsiderate bastard by not thinking of your personal experiences. I've disregarded your feelings one too many times, and I am sorry."

Nessa stopped resting her head and instead placed her hand upon his. She was never good at comforting herself, but comforting others was a talent she prided herself in, and she found herself drawn to make sure any worry or guilt her companion may have felt was alleviated quickly. "It's alright, Alistair. At least we still have each other."

"At least there's that." He replied warmly, a look in his eye that Nessa was sure reflected in her own. Moments like this, heart bared and exposed in grief and sorrow, also shone light on feelings neither yet knew what to call.

They sat in silence for a few moments, watching the flame die down slightly.

"You know it's not your fault about your mother."

Alistair's voice was quiet, gentle. It was clear to Nessa that he had been thinking about what to say, a sentiment she appreciated even if it was not exactly what she wanted to hear in the moment.

"Alistair, please just let this rest for now."

He could still not speak freely of Duncan, so she knew he would understand she was not yet ready to forgive herself in the same way he had not forgiven himself just yet. Grief was a fresh taste in their mouths, two broken souls healing in what should have been the prime of their lives.

"If you wish."

"Thank you." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

The two remained in peaceful silence, pressed beside each other in comfort, until they drifted off into a slumber that offered them no dreams of darkspawn or grief, but of a future for them in which they could live free from the burdens they carried and find a sliver of hope and happiness.


End file.
